Do you remember the trope-of-the-day thrown at you if you dared question the business model for “disruptive tech?” You remember don’t you? Hint: sounds like: You just don’t get tech!
Well, actually, it was precisely that.
This and more gave us the birth of that fantastical, mystical creature of fabled fame known as the “unicorn.” And if you didn’t want to hang in the stalls with the little ones? You went back to the
coloring books investor prospectus – made up more sh#t to state 1+1= whatever you want – then hit the business/financial media talk show circuit dispensing more horsesh#t than found on a working stable ranch – and wha-la! You now get the legal ability, aka IPO, to trade your bags of you-know-what into real bags of cash, from the risk oblivious suckers investor public. Rinse, repeat.
“But wait – there’s more!” as they like to say on TV.
If you are one of the truly daring (and why would you not, when you can make sh#t up on demand and people will throw money at you) you don’t tout you’re just some lame-arse unicorn. No, that won’t even get one of them a ticket into your swank party.
You tout metrics and possibilities that are so batsh#t crazy it makes real bats happy their blind so they can’t see your “big picture” slide deck.
Hint: Did you know the taxi business was worth over $100 Billion? Who knew?!
Yes, that’s correct. At the last PR cycle right before going public the “whisper” on the street was that Uber was probably worth $120 Billion.
Hint: It ain’t, and worse, it hasn’t even been able to stay above its already lowered lackluster IPO price of $45. As a matter of fact, since it’s been a public company, it has barely made it there. It has opened and closed above it – only – once.
What a bargain, yes? Seems to be always on sale. Who knew!!
But if you thought we were done here? Hint: Nope, for it really gets better, that is, if you can take pleasure watching this disaster unfold as one who rationalized it would.
However, if you are one of those that did buy in? Especially if you suddenly found yourself unknowingly in this great “growth” investment via your “investment manager?” You do have my condolences, and I really do mean that.
Uber reported its numbers after the close yesterday. I could use the word “earnings” but that would be more of a joke than the entirety of this farce. Here’s all you need to know…
In the first quarter it reported as a public company (you know, just after the “bag” hand-off in the form of “investing public” to the
VC scammers “Private investors”) it reported about an $878 million dollar loss. I guess the reason behind this was to put a “good face showing” in the first report. Because now that that is over, and no more need to worry about all that “good looks?” Well hell-yeah! to wit:
Uber Q2: $5.2 BILLION dollar loss on (wait for it…) $3.2 Billion on revenue.
This makes the old joke “We’re able to sell $Dollar Bills at a discount, because we make up it up on volume” look down right business savvy in comparison.
I watched CNBC™ during last-night’s Asia reporting, where they had an early “investor” on talking about selling out his position. What I heard him describe after, in the reasoning why Uber was a possible growing entity for the future, made me look more than once at my remote to make sure I wasn’t watching the comedy channel. It was absolutely stunning the rational.
This guy would have a decent chance at selling snake-oil to a snake-oil salesman. Why? He truly sounded like he believed what he was saying. It was both laughable and scary to view.
Wolf Richter over at WolfStreet™ has a great breakdown if you want more detail into the absurdity that is Uber.
Again, this is all my opinion, of course. But think of it this way…
Imagine telling someone just a decade or so ago, that you owned a company with revenue in the $Billions. And, after reporting your numbers: you didn’t even have enough left over to afford using your own service just to get home a few blocks away.
What a farce.
© 2019 Mark St.Cyr